guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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