Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
