Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
