i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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