I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
