His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
