Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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