Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
