his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
