I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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