Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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