Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
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Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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