Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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