I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so let's talk penis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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