alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
