Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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