At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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