you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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