I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
