well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
