don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
