operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
