Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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