sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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