omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
