her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
