I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
