My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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