Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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