dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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