We're like a lot better than the average bears
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I checked into jail on foursquare
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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