Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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