You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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