Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
