Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
