oh god the rape fog is back!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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