i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
