i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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