he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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