Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
