You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
