At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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