i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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