it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
