i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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