Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize