i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
