So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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