1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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