Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
