i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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