Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
