so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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