Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
