Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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