Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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