at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
