I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
