Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
