How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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