if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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