i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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