if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
