I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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