Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
