Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
