You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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