It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
