i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
